what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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