Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
