I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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