I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
