Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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