No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
birth control should be required to get into college
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize