Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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