batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
