Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
