He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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