tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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