Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize