Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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