Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
