I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
