i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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