so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize