dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
