i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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