Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
