Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
