At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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