Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
