Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
