ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
