I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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