It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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