Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
