I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
