my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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