Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
