Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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