her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
