After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
