if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
