Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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