even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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