he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
