Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
