My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
