I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
