I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
