I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
