I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
