i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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