I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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