Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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