Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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