just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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