I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
