Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
