just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
