My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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