This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
