whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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