I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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