i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize