My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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