As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
