You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
