please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
