just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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