when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
