My underwear smells like fireworks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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