Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My room smells like vodka and shame
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
