I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Bring me that man meat
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
