So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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