ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
