Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
