I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
