i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
