Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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