I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
