So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
