i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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