she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
