its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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