how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize