I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize