The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
