She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
