can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
