Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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