none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize