I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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