Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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