Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
