Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
