haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
