Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
