If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i believe in u and ur pee
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
